Funny Internet

It's is truly amazing all the things you can do thanks to the internet, so there for I must say I disagree with the statement " The internet is for porn".

I found these 2 pages where you can really have a lot of fun ^^

http://www.faceinhole.com/

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

These are just some of my pictures^^ (I did loads^^)

Birthdays

It seems to me that everyone is having their birthdays lately, friends, neighbors, family, teachers.

Today my sisters went to a birthday party, there where 3 others going on at the same time in our neighborhood. Is t his the Baby-boom-month?

I Don't really get birthdays, celebrate the coming of age is ok, but the rest of it.

I am not even that exited about turning 18 really, what's new then?

I can already get my sinner hands on alcohol, cigarettes, get in to bars and so on, so whats new? I look forward to the day I am 25, thats my goal for getting control of my life again, thats the day I will have started to live my life for sure.

+ I can get on the Danish-boat alone =D

The Ring

I once had a ring stolen during P.E class at Great Marlow Secondary school . In P.E we always had to put all our jewlery into this large Quality Street box, this was mandatory, but when I came back from P.E, it was gone.
Since I was around 11 years old I have been wearing my mothers and biological fathers old wedding rings, of course no longer the one that got stolen, but the one who has my fathers name and their wedding date ingraved on the inside I still wear.
I never take it off, when when I do, just for a split second, there is a deep ring-like crater around my finger of where it sits.
Since I was 11 I have been wearing this ring.
I can't seem to take it off. I find myself addicted to written evidence, written evidence.
I feel helpless and insecure without my ring, and with it I feel kind of stupid. Just about every day people ask me if I am married, and I must admit, sometimes on holiday, I say I am just to get people of me. But usually my answer is "No, I'm not married, this is my parents old wedding ring and I lost one, but I have been wearing this since I was 11". People give me the "Stupid-look", like as if a simple "no" would have been sufficient. It never is. Even when I just say no the questions come, "it looks like a wedding ring", "what kind of ring is it then?".
I find myself addicted to written evidence. Not only the ring with my fathers name ingraved, but other papers.
When my Grandmother died my mum made herself a "Holy-chest" as I call it. A little chest full of her memories, pictures, sick-card, hat, lipstick, including her passport.
My step-grandfather want her passport back because it states in the back that "in case of death, return to state". I refuse this, I've taken it, and unless the state comes knocking on my door and rips it out of my cold, dead hands... they are not getting it.
I feel like everyday she is slipping away, dissapering with time. Her passport is my evidence that she acctually existed to others than my family and I.
The ring is my evidence that I have an acctual father and no unknown one-night-stand.
These things matter to me. They are my evidence. They kind of keep my whole world patched together with silver-tape.
I find myself adiccted to written evidence

Crazy Lady?

Yesterday at work I was kind of put of guard. Suddenly this obviously christian lady told me that she saw Jesus when she was five years old and just went on and on. It came sort of out of nowhere. I was helping her and a friend, "sorry, we are out of rice".
As her friends was getting Ketchup and a fork I said "Excuse me miss, may I help you?" she answered that she was fine and leaned over the counter looking me straight in the eyes "I saw Jesus when I was only five years old."
I was shocked, I acctually nearly started to laugh, as I got a grip I said "Aha, interresting, well, that must have been an incredible experience..."
She looked me further in the eyes and said, "I was at the cabin in the wood with my family when I saw him standing there, smiling at me, I felt like I owned the heavens at that moment"
I was starting to think that this lady had gone absolutely mental! but as a perfectly good employee I smiled at her and said "wow, that must have been nice"
"There is a heaven up there you see, there really is"
I couldn't hold my sarcasm and I blurted out "Jeez, I really hope so, if I'm struggeling trough life for nothing than thats it..!"
She looked at me and said "God is as close to you as I am, you can just sit down and talk to him and he will listen, I know, I can feel it, you should try to read the new testament"
"Maybe I will some day" I continued trying to get away.
As she left she asked me my name, when I said it she smiled at me and started to slowly walk away smiling at me, then she told me her name.
after that she was gone. I found it strange afterward, the only reason I got them as a customer was because my co-worker came and got me in the storage room in a fit and pleaded me to switch cutomers before she went balistic on some rude lady.
I started thinking about my strange experience over the chicken counter when I was on my way home, was this my sign? I know it seems really strange, but with the though of my belief being non-existant and how that has been an issue for me lately, this lady spoke to me as if she knew me.
Or maybe she was just another crazy christian. I guess I'll never know, but it seems strange to me.
But having an experience like this at the age of 5 and the influence it had on her... it must mean something..

Prestekrager (Norwegian)

This is a "poem" I wrote for my grandmothers funural. Prestekrager was our flower. After the seremony the priest asked if she could keep it. I let her.

Prestekrager

Sammen står de,

I både små og store klynger,

og passer på hverandre.

Litt som oss.

Om vi så en liten tid ble revet fra hverandre

fant vi alltid tilbake.

Og prestekragen vokser på nytt.

Elsker.

Elsker ikke.

Elsker.

Prestekragene står der fortsatt

Ikke like flotte i mine øyne

men der er de

og der står de i fred

Bare til å beundre

Og om jeg så en dag ikke ser de lenger

så vet jeg at de er der

I hjertet

og i minnet.

Til minne om vår kjære

Wenche Elisabeth Thon

Skrevet av

Danijela Thon Lane

Labels

http://www.nettby.no/community/news.php?community_id=886548

For those who understand norwegian, this site really provoced me. Why is it that people are always labeled? And why is labeling juat about always negative?

The Nerd, The Emo, The Wannabe, The Fat One, The Anorexic one, The Perv, The Gay, The Vain.

Why not, The Helper, The sweet one, The best friend, The Smart one, The motivator.

Does everybody have to have a label? And what if you don't have a label? Are you..no one?

I don't get this, I probably never will. It just really bothers me how we are everyday judged by tha people around us, by the way we talk, the way we walk, the way we look, the way we act. Everything. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be so much better to not exist. Mostly because it seems like as if you need a label to prove your existance to another human-being, and I don't feel like as if that is right. Like as if the world isn't tough enough I don't want to stroll around wondering what my labels make me and if they are who I am.

I guess the whole consept just confuses me and provoces me at the same time.

Change.

I think I made up my mind, If my father want to come for my 18th birthday and christmas, he is very well welcome to.
I figured that I have spent just about my whole life wishing for a relationship with my father, and now, even after 18 years, that he is reaching out a strange hand, I am not going to push it away and turn my back. I still have my doubts on wheter or not he will acutally come, but surely, this must be a risk worth taking?
I am so confused about the whole scenario, I still don't understand how we are going to make this work, But if he is determined, and I am open, that it is possible.
I also can't help to think of my other siblings on my fathers side. Are they going to grow up like I did because he finally realized that "his love-child" is open minded enough to take him back?
I need him to balance his time to his kids. If he can't be a good father to them, I sure as hell will give it all my effort to make him... Isn't one mistake big enough? Actually, two?
I have another sister, but she resents him and will not speak to him anymore, maybe she in time also will find it to forgive, but never forget? Or maybe not..she's got a new family now, as do I, but in diferent circumstances and at a younger age. The other three under the age of three, I do not know them, and thay are to young to realize the cruelty of the world.
I want to be three again.

Control-Freak.

So today I started to think about my double-moral and how I find it easy to push people away. My mind startet to cross over to another thought. Control.
When I have a bad day, and people can see it, I want them to back off untill I am ready.
When I am in a good mood (which is rarely), I don't want to struggle to keep it there.
When I need to be alone, I expect to be left alone.
When I need silence, I want silence.
The problem is, the people around me are the ones responisble in my head for giving me this. I will never tell them unless it goes to far.
This is stupid! I don't expect people to know, I just need them to. If I speak, I do what everyone tells me I always do, Push them away. But if I don't and get Upset or quitly staring into space, I also push people away.
I just need time.
Does this make me a control-freak? In that case I am so sorry!
Or is it just another sign of my Insecurity?
I started to think about how trapped in the middle of a tornado, you can't really see what is going on, but the people watching can! My Bestfriends always tell me the same things, specially inside this subject, and now, just now, I realized, They are watching my tornado spin out of control and they are telling me what is going on because they can see it so much clearer than I can.
They are my salvation. they are the guide to my serenity.
I know this text is most likely to make me seem like a mental person and probably either push people more away because I most likely frighten them, or make them feel like as if they are walking on egg shells. This is not the true meaning behinf this blog. It's true meaning is to tell my surroundings that I don't mean to! So please, just be patient with me, and eventually you will understand.

Atheist.

I am not sure wheter or not I ever was a believer in god or any higher power.

I am an atheist, which is in way way easy to say, but hard. I envy people who have something to believe in, something to get them trough the rough intesity of life itself.

I don't know what it is that keeps me away from this faith.

I was christened, or baptised if you prefer when I was a baby, and I later chose to get confirmated.

Many youths choose to get confirmated for the money and the other big and small present you get from friends and family. I chose to go trough it on my own personal quest for faith, what it was all about. I went to church, I went to church-camp, I read, I searched and what did I find? nothing. I guess I believe more in science, in history, in what can be proven, and then I heard that where there is doubt, our faith begins to vanish.

And fear rushes in to take its place.

Emotionally Unavailable

Is this me?
My bestfriend told me that this is how I am, I don't give people a chance, once I acctually start to like them I push them away, and if they like me they are going straight in the "forget and move on - file".

I don't open up to people easily, it took me a couple of years before I could tell me best-friends Daniel and Synnøve " I love you". What Synnøve said about this was "That's because we are patient enough with you. We let you open up naturally and let the pieces of your puzzle fit in without force, and so did you with us"

I guess that's just it. I need my time and space. I really can't handle another embarrinsing "I love you moment" after two weeks, they don't know what love is.
Ifidel: I love you
Lane: Ehmm, How sweet, thank you
Infidel: *silence*

I don't think it is because I'm just afraid of getting hurt or afraid of being let down, dissapointed or betrayed. Yes, these are factors involved aswell, but I think it is mostly of putting yourself out there. Danger Zone.Out there where? I like it better Right Here. In My safe Zone.

Rome wasn't buildt in one day

Picture was randomly found a while ago, not sure where.

Where Is The Pride?

I was talking to some friends at a party yesterday and it really got me thinking, and even a little P***** off.
To be honest I am not perfectly satisfied with my apperance, but it's not like i shout it out "oh my pores are huge", "my ancles are wide", "my hair is thin", "my teeth are yellow". I tell my closest ones maybe, but not in a way which is like "poor me, please don't agree, make me feel good!?!?". I have a habit of just nodding my head in agreement when girls stand there and " look at this, fat!" and pulls the bit of skin that is vital for all head-movement under her chin. I sometimes even exagurate, "Oh yes, look at that! Jesus! Are you growing an extra head?"
I would never have taken a face-lift, lipo, Botox, Silicone or anything like that unless it was a neccesity! I am me. I will never change for anyone but me.
And if people go "You're ugly, You're fat, You're Stupid" then I just say:
Yes, and? You telling me isn't going to change it. You are aloud your opinion, but you need to learn when to say it. I don't care how you feel, You can look another way!. It is your choice whether you wish to look at this creature or not.
Your Choice.

If everyone just thought abit more like me...
=P