Goodbye

Equal Rights (?)

Today I had Social-Ed. at school. I love Social-Ed.!
We were discussing the definition of culture and the difference between norwegian culture and others. After this, we had to "analyse" an article, tell the class what is was about and how we were able to "connect" with it.
My article was about prejudice. The article was based upon an norwegian man that was very overweight, and all the negative attention he got for his extra stones. every stone was worth a thousand comments or so. To give this story a "happy ending", he lost over 10 stones and now lives "a happy life". Couldn't he be happy as an overweight? who's fault is that?
This is where I react. We also got the statistics of some theories that were tested in the U.S. This acctually showed that even though most people though that "fat" individuals looked kinder, they were less likely to succed well in life work-wise. And that If you had a room for rent, you would rather rent it to a couple, than one single person.
And I think, Equal right?
Equal rights is so much more than a male-female controversy. I live in Norway, where equal rights are nearly at it's best, we are pretty much reached the 100 % equal point. Equal rights has been faught for by both women and "negro's" (Hate that word but don't know what else to use), but what about the "less-Pretty" and the overweight? what about those people? They are constantly judged by the way they look and it affects them in just about every-way.

Fight for our rights. Fight for equal rights.
Fight for yourself.

" The most important of life's battles
is the one we fight
daily in the silent chambers
of the soul"


Picture taken from : Google picture search on "Equal rights"

3D And More

So I was thinking today, about once again, who I am?
This question is imbeded in my mind every day and I can't seem to find a way to avoid it. Standing there in the deli-counter at Ultra (the shop I work at) I was looking all over the shop and seeing these custumors, cause that's what they are to me, customers.They come, take what they want, and leave. Makes me feel kind of used aswell =P

No but seriosly, to me they are customers, and to them, I am girl behind the counter with the fake smile and the uniform that lets them believe that I am apart of something. But there is more. I am not just the employe at work that day, I am a daughter, a sister, a niece, a grand-daughter, a student, a friend, a hobby-psykologist. I am everything I am capable of of. But does that define Danijela Lane?
Asking my mother who I am, would she say "she's a daughter"? Asking my sisters, would they say "She's a sister"? But if they said "She is my family, always smiling, smart and easy to talk to". Is that true? Am I Always really smiling? am I always smart? and would everybody say I'm easy to talk to? I dont think so...so who am I?
Am I who my family says I am, who the customers say I am, or who I say I am?
And if I don't know?
Yes, I have an identity problem, Hell, I even have an anxiety problem, I think too much.
"I Think, Therefore I Am"
I have more sides than one, and very few see it. That's the beauty of it asweel. With others I can be whoever I want to be.

I can be the Girl behind the counter with the fake smile and the feeling that I belong to something.

I can be student, the daughter, the sister, the friend.

I am more than 3D, and I choose which side you see.
Eventhough it may not be me.

I Hate You For Making Me Cry

So here is something personal, and I'm not talking about the "I'll give you my dirty little secrets" kind of personal. More the kind of This is what is on my mind. Constantly.
21st of June, just over three months ago today, my beloved grandmother surrendered to the forces of cancer. Something that happens everyday, but yet, to me, so rarely.
My grandmother was all I had considering the fact that my mother and I were going trough a rough spot. It had always been my grandmother, my mother and myself in my family, not very many others involved. Three generations of "Nordbye Girls". Not to complain, we had everything that mattered, eachother.
My family was in a huge quarrel when we learned that my grandmother had gotten lung-cancer, and as if this wasn't bad enough, it spread to the the brain, and then eventually...spine.
We were all watching our beautiful flower slowly, but yet so quickly, dying. Petal by petal falling to the ground, the stem giving in under the weight of the gorgeous flower. The colours fading and blending into the earth where it stood. My Uncle, Step-Grandad, Step-Dad, Mother, Sisters and ofcourse..myself were the unfortunate audience of this tragic fairytale. The last week went very quick, and the last 2-3 days quicker.
I remember my sense of time dissapeering, what seemed like noon could be 7pm, and vica verca... Sleeping awake, and awake while i was sleeping.
The experience itself was wonderful, by the meaning that we were all gathered and we were there by her side, and yet the worst thing ever.
Hearing her lungs gasping for air, and then to a sudden stop, feeling her pulse there one second, and gone the next, and then she died, right there in my arms.
Still, the smell stings my nose, the feel of her pulse beats in my finger and i am constantly counting her breaths and pulse.
1, 2, breath, 1, 2, breath.
She was the closest thing I had to feeling alive.

I hate you for making me cry...but I love you so much more than you could ever imagine, you are my everything, this didn't break my heart...It ripped it out.
What now?

I keep dreaming of her speaking to me, and when I hear her voice I don't seem to understand that I am dreaming, and like an idiot I get up from bed and start looking for her.

"Wake up honey, It's about to time to open your eyes. Come on sweetheart, Wake up"

I'm Aloud Weak Moments

Nearly everytime you or others do something stupid, you ask, or someone asks you "Do you regret?". Being caught in the moment just about everyone says "Yes", but do you really?
Maybe right there and then you do, but later?
I am a firm believer in faith, the fact that everything happens for a reason and gets you to where you are supposed to be in life. A balance. Still everytime someone dissapoints me, I demand the answer that yes, they regret. Most likely just to easy my own mind with the illusion that they didn't mean it, and if they dont regret, I get pissed and hurt like hell.
Everybody has probably heard the saying " what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". That is ofcourse, if you survive it.
I don't really regret anything at this moment. What I've done and others done to me, got me where I am today. I've learned. I've grown. I think. I evaluate. I Am Me.
Without all of these so called "mistakes", who would I be then?
Yes, not to deny that it might me hell right there and then at that moment, but you get through it, and that's all that matters. Later you will have more wisdom and knowledge than
any textbook, teacher or mentor can ever teach you!

Don't regret a thing, cause if you do, do you really know who you are?

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right,
forget the one's who don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance - take it,
if it changes your life - let it...

The Lost Art Of Keeping Secrets

"Never keep a promise you can't hold"
My view on that statement, can you really hold something you don't have in your hands?
I find it better not to promise anything, but still those two cursed words somehow just pop out alot more than it should. Word Vomit." I Promise".
Either I forget, loose track of time, change my mind or somehow try to squeel myself out of it.
O.k, to talk a little bit positive about myself, I do manage to keep some =)
But lets be realistic, how often is a promise, an acctual promise?
In stead of saying "I promise I will" why not say, "I promise I'll try" much easier.
And what kind of promises do we have?
Vows = Divorce happens!
Contracts (even worse, written promise) = Hello! Laywers do more than send Convicts to prison.
Promise this...Promise that... Promise...Nothing!
It's not only the fact that I suck at keeping promises that makes me write this blog...it's the fact that I've also been let down too many times by yes, broken promises. And yet, everytime someone promises me something big, I am stupid enough to take it for good. Although I know in the back of my wacked out mind, that most likely, I'm the one that ends up dissapointed, broken and once again back in the dark shadow that sorrounds my total existance, It never seems to occur to me unill it's to late.
Maybe I just learned from the best.

My Blog

So as many of you probably already understand my blog is mostly, and probably only, about my view on people and life.
I want people to understand how I feel about different subjects and really get inside my mind. I want people to live their life to the fullest in every single way no matter how hard it is.

Nobody said it would be easy...
But they did say it would be worth it.



Make your picture on:
http://wordle.net/create

Tired Of Covering Up

Constantly people are hiding and covering up who they really are. Exept maybe when you are around your closest friends, but even then, can you really ever show the true you?
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to reveal your darkest secrets to some complete stranger that you might not ever see again, than to the person standing closest to your heart.
Are we all living in constant fear of getting hurt?
Everyday we see our friends, loved ones and people we barely know getting stabbed in the back one way or the other.
A persons look can really decieve! The most popular, gorgeous girl in school can be the most lonely, but yet again, the biggest "nerd" with one or none friends can be the one living the happy life, knowing who his/hers real friends are and living up to the life they were ment to live.
Being a teenager, or a person of any age I believe is difficult beyond anything else we will ever come up against. the constant questions of who you are, who do you want to be, and where are you going are haunting our existance every second of every hour, every single day.

I'm tired of covering up, standing in my own closet filled with skeletons up to my ears, it's getting harder to breath. But will I ever really dare to come out of this "safe zone"?
Will you?


“Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them”

Be Younique

Okey, so I am not going to deny that yes, I am sceptical around just about everything! Maybe even a bit afraid of the unknown, but not in a way where I have an urge to put other people down because of it. Or, make another persons life a living hell by pushing my opinions on other individuals.
Gay, Bi, Straigh.
Emo, Label, Gangster, Punk.
Whatever!
People may be different, but that's beautiful and unique, not shameful! People need to make a statement of who they are and what they mean, and that's important!... And to be honest, I am sick and tired of being put down and watching other people being treated the same way.

Live life to the fullest and raise your voice!
It's the only one you've got.

Welcome to Lane's Blog

So, you somehow managed to enter my "Blog". Lucky you! Here I will basically speak my mind, why? because it's my right!
Discuss my topic's however you like. If I offend someone, good. That means I've hit a topic that means something to someone, and that's how this all started! I speak my mind and as must you.
Because it's our right!

P.S
All the pictures on this blog are my creations. Unless I say differently.