Change.

I think I made up my mind, If my father want to come for my 18th birthday and christmas, he is very well welcome to.
I figured that I have spent just about my whole life wishing for a relationship with my father, and now, even after 18 years, that he is reaching out a strange hand, I am not going to push it away and turn my back. I still have my doubts on wheter or not he will acutally come, but surely, this must be a risk worth taking?
I am so confused about the whole scenario, I still don't understand how we are going to make this work, But if he is determined, and I am open, that it is possible.
I also can't help to think of my other siblings on my fathers side. Are they going to grow up like I did because he finally realized that "his love-child" is open minded enough to take him back?
I need him to balance his time to his kids. If he can't be a good father to them, I sure as hell will give it all my effort to make him... Isn't one mistake big enough? Actually, two?
I have another sister, but she resents him and will not speak to him anymore, maybe she in time also will find it to forgive, but never forget? Or maybe not..she's got a new family now, as do I, but in diferent circumstances and at a younger age. The other three under the age of three, I do not know them, and thay are to young to realize the cruelty of the world.
I want to be three again.