People who pass

I dont think people really understand when I say "Some people are ment to just change your life".
I am not only talking about the big moments, but the small ones.
The people who might enter your life for no more than 10 minutes, but can say or do somthing that can just totally spin it all around. the way you think, the way you feel, the music you listen too and how you fall asleep.
It can last for a couple or minutes or days I guess.

Choosing

Heres a big quote...

"Generations unfold, father to son, mother to daughter. Where one leaves off, the other follows, destined to repeat each other mistakes, each others triumphs. But, how do we see the world if not through their lens? The same fears, the same desires. Do we see them as an example to follow or as a warning of what to avoid? Choosing to live as they have simply because it is all what we know or driven to create our own identity?And what happens if we find them to be a disappointment? Can we replace them? Our beloved mothers and fathers. Will destiny drive us to find our way back? Back to familiar comforts of home?"

Chaos... You Know. In The Head.

At the same time as I absolutely hate this blog, I am completely addicted to it.
I write here all my emotional outbreaks, feelings, and then alot of the time, just strange thougts I am having, things I find funny and the occational outlook of how much double moral I have hidden inside my brain.
I cant seem to make up my mind about much these days.
The truth is that, the only reason I am actually keeping this blog is so that I can just for a moment or so releave all the pressure in my head and just get it out and make it stick to something. I also have a book at home which I draw in. It is my little emo book. Not that I can either write nor draw, but the feeling of taking something out of your head, and fokusing on that one small part, for just a little while, is liberating.
I think if I didn't have some way of just letting it go, my mind would fill up with chaos.
I dont think very many people actually read it either, and the few that do sure as hell don't end up sitting there with a fuzzy and warm feeling inside after reading my small tortured sentences.

My grandfather does the same thing, he writes in books, he has loads of them.
Maybe that is where I have it from.

He can write though, really well, and he writes poetry and rhymes, about stupid thing, silly and funny, and then the bigger things and experiences in his life.

Most of them piss me off.

But there it is.. his whole life, cover to cover of 8 or 9 different books!
I cant stand comparing myself to him, but this is maybe just the one thing I guess I am glad I take after him.

You can study language, literature, history and filosofy, but a single word will never have so much meaning untill you start putting meaning into them yourself.

So to most people this here.. these words entering you mind right now. May not mean anything at all, nothing more that the cheap knockoff of a bad novel at W.H.Smiths.
But hopefully, for someone. Anyone. This is the key to something bigger.

Ink?

I am starting to have a little fit over the most stupid thing as the computer!
What ever happened to pen and paper? It is soon an antique so collect it all people!
Arrrgh! In school I got told of for using a normal ink pen and a piece of paper..?! Hello! this isn't the swineflu! ITS INK! *leet mee doo it!* Technology is supposed to make everything so much easier.. well I dont agree! Befor you picked up a pen and put in to paper, and if you had the brain capasity you could either make fucking squiggles or acctual letters! you can do anything with a pencil!
Now you have to go to a fucking coarse to learn how to mange "windows word 2003" and have to download a whole other program like pait to be able to constuct a SQUIGGLE!

Fuck technology! I am going outside to fingerpaint with blood on the neighbor wall!

*Lane and Horgen's strange humour*
Just a funny thing for my little Aidsburger^^
I know! childish!

I know you... dont I?

Can you ever really know someone?
I also hate the all to familliar phrase "oh, i know her".
Excuse me... no you dont! this coming from the person I might just talk to in random conversations and we can barly define ourselves as friends. You know my name, and you know "who" I am in the society we live in and the people I hang with.. but you sure as hell dont know me..!
I am talking Beyond the favourite colour, type of music and what makes them smile.
I am talking about really understanding them, knowing them, getting how their brain works.
The human brain only lets you or others around you know what you what to know or want them to know. It doesnt feel like anyone really knows me to the part where they know exactly what I am thinking, how I am going to react, and what I would most like to do. It may not be because I dont let them or dont what them to, or because I am letting them know a different side of me that is not real. Maybe I am completely open. just waiting to be read. but still no one will ever understand. cause they are not me. and they are not you.
I just wish someone could understand though.
Understand me, understand everything about me and understand that they may never know me. Just aknowledge me and who I am for just that.
I wish someone would know me.

"Never see you again in my life"

Through life I guess I just got so used to people leaving. That I never realized i was becoming one myself.
I moved from Denmark as a child, moved from Oslo as a young teenager, Moved from England as a teenager, and the same from Valdres.
All of the times I left, I also left someone behind.
Thanks to 7 different technologies is has made it easier to keep in touch with alot of the individuals, see what they are up too and how they live their lives, but when a certain someone said to me "It is strange to think about, that I might never see you again in my life." It really pushed a button, and not in a good way.
I have become the person that can leave without it being a too big an issue. I mean, it always hurts, but not in the way it maybe should be.
I am thinking about all of the people I have left in my life and now about how I might never see them again or all the people I have lost on the way. People I can remember but not the names of or the people that might have just gone blank in my mind.
The first time leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do, saying goodbye to a life where you were safe and where everything around you was known, moving into the Unknown.
I guess your skin toughens up and nothing gets to you anymore.
I dont want to be that person that leaves and never looks behind.
I wish I could have made more out of the last moments than what I have. Some were just sitting next to me, some I didn't even say goodbye to. Some I guess I just didn't even think of saying goodbye to.
Since then People have moved one, maybe even forgotten me, people have even died. And my last memories are crap. Maybe even theirs.
I hope I get to see this certain someone that made me think again, Because I can't let myself going trough this life as if it doesnt matter. It does matter! People matter!

Some people are just meant to come into your life and completely change it. And we just stand still and watch.
I am taking controle.
Or.. try to anyways. I do make myself alot of empty promises...

Today and forever a pesimist

I can't say that I am a positive person, because I am not. I can be positive for others misfortune. but when it comes to myself and my life I think everything is downhill and I am going to hell anyways.

Today I am having one of those "what it the point" days. Whats is the point of my whole life?
Doesnt seem like I am going to accomplish any of my larger goals, the only ones I can are the basic day to day ones, like waking up. But even those sometimes are getting harder to get trough. I feel like my life so far has resulted to nothing, and neither will it.
Stuggling trough life, watching all your friends, loved once and perhaps a spouse as well just..die. Stuck all alone with all the good and bad memories which make everyday a living hell either way. And then just dissapear into the unknown yourself.

My life is not in any importance to anyone, it doesn't matter. that is how it feels.

Think!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

Yet another quote I just could not help from posting her on Thetruthinmyvoice.blogspot.com.
Most of us find quotes and we find strengt in the wisdom of another persons words. I found this and at first I liked it, but then It got me thinking.
I am who I am, and I say what i feel. but the rest I think is wrong. Those who mind do matter. Not in the way because they mind that I am the way I am and say what I want to say, but because they care that I say it and about what it is I am saying. That makes them matter because they take in every word and twist them around in their head to be able to say somthing back. Then care. and so they matter!
Those who dont mind, they dont care. They don't care about me, or who I am, they dont mind If I say anything,or what I am saying, not because they dont mind because they know me, but because to them What I am saying doesnt matter.
I understand What Dr Seuss ment, and I guess when you look at the quote from a straight on and straight forward point of view, it is true... But when I went deeper in and tossed it around in my mind, it bacame something completly different. And so now I am back to being confused.
That's who I am, and trough this blog you get a front row seat to the works of my brain. A penny for my thoughts but a dollar for my insides.
What I do know is that we need to thnk for our selves and make up our own mind. Mind over Matter

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar wilde

We all go trough rough patches in our lives, I think for just about everyone those rough patches will way up on the "cons" side of our list of life, when it should be on the "pro". I bet when you are 60 years old most of your life than you can remember are those rough patches. because they are a significant part of your life, like it not. And put them on the pro list because those are what makes you unique and helped you along the way. Not only did you learn from them, but everyone elses.

The thing is what we choose to do. Find the silver lining, do something great and extraordinary with what you have got. You may be in the gutter. But don't forget that the sky, the ground and everything basic is always around you.

Look up at the stars..!

The Limit

Everything has a limit.
What I keep wondering is what is the limit to our human existance?
I mean, a car can only go so fast.
A tree can only grow so tall.
And Heat can only get so hot.
But what is our limit?
What is the limit of our age?
what is the limit of the sky?

What is the limit of our pain, joy... existance?

How far can the human mind acctually be pushed untill it just sais "That's it, It's too much, I can't take it anymore"

Does it vary from person to person or is there a limit?
Can one person be pushed there to fast and so it is enough, while another is pushed there slowly and with breaks than helps you calm down and stay withing a certain margin?
And does anything in between matter?
Does it matter when we do something big, or small, or Great. When our lives will come to an end anyways?
Does what I am sitting writing at this very moment make a significant,but small change or matter in my life or someone elses?
These endless questions without and answer.
I Hate it.

The Mess We Are All In

I read a nice quote today, cant remember where, when or exactly how it went, but it was about you and other people. It stated that if you sit down or take a walk or whatever, take a look at the people around and realize.

I am the kind of person that don't really care much for meeting new people or being to close to or around people. I want to study them, know them, analyze them and then help them, but I hate introducing myself or having being forced to talk to random people. Sitting on the train and just talking a nice slow walk down the high street, just because I can and have the time, i always at some part after being able to put a book or my phone away, just sit and observe, i stare at the weather and sky, look at my surroundings and I observe and analyze the people sitting around me or walking past. Their facial expressions, the way they move, eat, drink sit, talk. trying to imagine what kind of lives they lead, what they come home to, if they have a home that is. How they might feel and how their stance and attitude might cover up some deep depression or scaring.

and that is when I realize, just like quote says, that looking at the people around me, they are most likely to have many issues and problems of their own, or have had or will have.

And they are most likely in the same pain, and struggling with them in just the same way as I am.

In a sick way it comferts me aswell as it brings me down. because I dont feel alone anymore.

We are never alone, and as much as I might not like being in contact with these people around me, I want to know everything about them. Yet, some thing are better left unsaid.

Imagine a world where we all carried signs where it said everything.

The mess we are ALL in.. we are all together. like it or not.

Seek and Find..?

Everybody are searching for something, whether it is the small goals for the small things, or the large things. It is all a part of a bigger picture. We search for serenity, personality, strength and joy. Do we ever find it?

When you look yourself in the mirror. What do you see?

Do you see the person you used to be, but somehow neglected on the way?

Do you see the person you want to be, but dont know how to find?

The younger version of yourself, fragile and scared, yet, maybe carefree?

The better or worse version of your self?

Cause I bet that most, no, noone, can look in that mirror and see exactly what the want to see.

Not neccesarily due to how you face and body is assembled, but because there is always something missing.

That person you would most like to see stand behind you, some one lost or yet to find.

That part of you that you feel will never be as great as the one in your rolemodel.

Small but significant parts that you want to be a part of yourself.

I dont believe that anyone is ever in the ecstatic happiness we are all searching for. First of all because it does not exist, and second of all because time doesn't stand still.

With every second that passes, something is happing to either you or someone around you, and it affects YOU.

But if we can find that part of ourselves, that will let us live in the moment, and find joy in almost everything. I think that is as good as it gets.

We are all searching for something, Truth, knowlegde, love, and ultimately.. LIFE.

and it is right there, at the tips of our tongues.

Some are born great.

I am sitting here, looking at back all the people I know and all of my friends around me, and I feel so proud =)
I have lived many places. Oslo, London, Copenhaven, Valdres.., and at every place I have my friends, people I know, and then there are some certain people who stand out. The people that welcomed me in each place, the people I became good friends with, or the the random people I exchanged few words with. Everyone has left one or more imprints on my memory, certain sections of time or certain flashes or pictures that connect me to these people, and many of them don't even know, how much I care, how much they mean to me. Mostly because I dont really let them know. both in protection of myself and for not sounding like an absolute tree hugger in some way just bursting out to someone I see once a year or less "I really care for you, you mean alot to me". If had someone say that to me, out of the blue, I must admit... my nose would have wrinkled more that just a little =P
So as I am sitting here thinking about all of these random and not so random people I know, I feel good. To be able to see these people for a small and maybe insignificant part of their life, or the time where thay are most likely to rise or stand up for themselves or others in a moment of need. Some people are born great, and some are destined to do great things. And although I am one of those who seem to be standing stuck right now, I get to see all of these amazing people grow out of the shadows and change the world.Wheter it is saying no to a bad decision or yes to a good one, or all the mistakes on the way that makes them, them. I get to be a part of that..! in a very.. very small way, But it is awsome =D

A man of Words, and not of deeds.

Quite recently I came across this.. i dont quite know what to call it acctually.. poem? And I quite liked it, so I am going to share it with you =D

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds
And when the weeds begin to grow
It's like a garden full of snow
And when the snow begins to fall
It's like a bird upon the wall
And when the bird away does fly
It's like an eagle in the sky
And when the sky begins to roar
It's like a lion at the door
And when the door begins to crack
It's like a stick across your back
And when your back begins to smart
It's like a penknife in your heart
And when your heart begins to bleed
You're dead, and dead, and dead indeed.