Is It Only In My Head?

I am just about terrified right now.

As some of you might already know, I got told some weeks ago that I just might have a tumour located in my brain. Ofcourse this is just a maybe, it could me muscles in my neck who are pushing on my main vein and nerves to my brain, it could be psycological or a variety of different weird medical things.

The problem is that due to the fact that I have had a tumour before, and so has my mum, uncle and grandma they have to check first just to be sure, but ofcourse, they also do check because the chance is there, and higher than with most other people.

The first couple of days I was a wreck, i didn't know what to do with or how to react to the information I was given, And neither did anyone else, or so it seemed.

My family and I took it quite well I think, we all carried fake smiles, showed how we were conserned and then we joked it away, typical our family. Galgen humor in Norwegian.

Telling my friends were the worst part. I had been able to fool myself for so long, saying that "oh you know, whatever happens happens and I will just have to deal with it" *BIG SMILE*, and the worst thing is that I started to believe it myself in the ends, that everything is fine..! and talking about it only made me laugh. My friends faces would go into a total innocent, muscle numbing, shocked, yet "Trying to keep it together" type of face. You could see how they were just standing there and where like "What?". The first question I would get is "You must be joking!" (Idiotic nr 1... why would I joke about that?). And then the second question: Are you alright? (Idiotic nr 2... How would you feel?) To see my closest friends struggle to find the apropriate words was just plain horrible, I had put them in a position that they would rarely experience. So I hurried to say "No words are needed love, It is the way it is, It doesn't have to be that big a deal.. could be some small issue", although this would rarely calm then down for more that 15 seconds. Some tried to make a joke, some stood still and some started talking hysterically, one thing they all did, was hug me.

The hug helped more for them than it did me to be honest.

Tomorrow I will get the results of my MR scan and I am scared to death. This stone face has just cracked under pressure.

The news does not necceserally have to be the worst, but no matter what, It will not be "Good", cause there is something not right.

The picture is one of my MR scan pictures, as you can see it is straight down my face^^