Sorry, I'm In My Pj's...

The other day Synnøve and myself heard our first knock ont he door of our new home. Synnøve and i are trying to prove that our Little Red Brickhouse is not a mad house, and then we open the door, me in my pyjamas and Synnøve with a towel around her head...
Lane "Hi"
People "Hello"
Lane "I'm sorry, I'm in my Pj's"
People "That's ok, we are here to try to bring out the message that God cares and that you will find the answers in the bible, it all sais there why he sometimes might seem unfair.."
Synnøve "Who are you?"
Jehova witnesses "We are Jehovas Witness"
Synnøve "Though so.."

Just to make one thing clear, I don't mind people and their belif, but when belief comes knocking on the door, I sometimes struggle to stand there and handle it all daisies...

I was honest with them and said straight out "Well, hey, I'm more of an atheist, I believe in people, culture and politics..."
I felt so rude, like a right little brat when I sometimes could help myself from strangeling a little giggle bursting trough my trought.
We got a alittle folder/leaflet whith the main topics of
- Does god really care?
- Will war and suffering ever end?
- What happens to us when we die?
- Is there hope for the dead?
-How shall I pray to make God hear me
and
- How can I have a really happy life?

So we stood there on the steps, door wide open discussing some of these statements briefly, I didn't dare to invite them in. They allready knew that i was the type of teenager that drinks, I was able to spill that, but the whole lounge was trashed after a party earlier that weekend and I was not about to let them see that!

Anyways, my plan from now on is reading and thinking about one subject at the time and writing it here on my all to lonely and parched for some proper writing, blog..

Psycological Goals

What really annoys me is the human mind's lack of ability to really ever understand the mind and psycology of another.

Yes we try, we have our experiences and many years of research in textbook answers and thoeries.. but who are to say that these are correct?

It depends on how the message is brought out aswell as how the other person reads tha informasjoen he/she is being given.

Person A has the "come on" theory, the theory of that whatever it is you can get out of it if you want to, that you create you issues alone, maybe even a fake believer of "been there, done that".

Person B is stuck, giving up. To tired to fight anymore and accepts his /hers reality.

What what about the million, gazillion, trillion in the middle?

I am sure that even just today there are aroundt 6.7 billion different typen of minds and people just this minute... how are we to understand them all?

While some have todays goal to be: get that special guy to notice, pass this mathtest, avoid arguments, tell someone you care or tell the boss how you feel. Some have the goal just to survive the day.

This annoys me with the "typical american film view".

Everyday some rich white kid decides that life is not worth it and taker his/hers own life. With their own reason, while some black kid in the streets fights for their life to be better, to be different and ends up being killed.

Who are the typical group of happy people?

What does happy really mean?

Is anyone happy?

I know I am not, especially because of the fact that I don't understand... I really don't...

But I want to.

Run Lane, Run

Bad habits.
Biting nails
Not putting the toilet seat down.
Interupting when someone is speaking.

Running from your own personal issues.

That's my worst habit.
I seem to put more and more tasks on my "to-do-list" (actually, make that plural), than I am capable or designed to do in a day. School, work and house.
When I was younger it seemed so easy to play house.
"You're the baby and I am the mummy! Drink you tea, go to bed, wake up, I am going shopping, eat you broccoli, not the plate. Mummy!!! Synnøve won't play house with me any more!!"

I tend to exhaust myself into falling asleep at 7 p.m and waking up at 11. p.m to do the rest...

I am so tired of running from who I am, and most of all, who I am supposed to be.
I try my best to hide it in every way, but my energy is coming to an end.
What scares me the most is my lack onknowing wheter I am running away from myself, or running to find myself.