I want to figure it out.

I really want to start my life over.
I want to live a more honest, even brutally honest life.
I want to live a more fearless life.
I want to be more open for success.
I want to explore my roots.
I want to be more accepting of happiness and positivity.
I want to regain my spontanity.
I want to take back controle of everything that makes me, me!

I think I need some sort of a 12-step program to get through it all.
I want to figure it out.

Back for another release.

August 2010, that is the last time that I let my mind explode all across the empty page of a new post.

Wow.

And now I am back, back for another release of thoughts and emotions.
I tried switching over to the more popular "blogg.no", one of, if not the largest blogportal in Norway. But I found that I just didn't have the courage to write how I really felt, not around blogs mostly run by young girls, fashion, bakers, fitness, mothers ( The category I chose myself) and the occational anonymous depression blog.

I don't feel that I fit in anywhere, and I don't feel like being anonymous.

I wish I was one of those people who aren't scared of other peoples reactions. I wish I was one of those who could speak my mind, not caring who would hear it.

Instead I walk around, with what feels like far too much baggage than I carry, filled with secrets and unspoken words. Unresolved feelings.

At times it gets so heavy that I struggle to sleep, I gasp for air, the unwelcomed headache comes along, and I feel so uneasy and restless that I dont know what to do with myself.
Tonight is one of those nights.

I just feel so utterly broken.